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Bad Yelp Reviews In Poetry Form
Humble hangout fancy fusion foods
Humble Hangout Fancy Fusion Foods
is a restaurant name I could not ignore.
I brought my friends through your
front door. We were greeted by a one-man
show. Hello, You! The chef and waiter
one and the same. We thought how novel!
This is a new concept restaurant after all….
The food took four hours to arrive, but
you pumped us full of a fusion drink —
Rosé, Whipped Cream Vodka, Guinness,
topped off with peppermint schnapps
and a dash of pepper and cinnamon —
I mean, why not?! We drank the hours
away in jovial conversation, wondering
what was cooking in the kitchen.
The menu doesn’t have options:
Just one line:
For Dinner: Chef’s Decision
We felt frisky and risque and kept
imbibing the strange drink. We asked
Chef to hold the pepper and he said
“Eff you!” muttered under his breath
something about the oysters benedict
while walking away. That actually
sounded like it might be good.
Conversation was jolly and we got more
curious by the minute. Finally…
Chef delivered our dinner —
It was an 8-course affair. We ate until midnight.
And, the food was a fright…
The garnish on our oyster benedict
was live garden spiders. There was a jar
for those not feeling adventurous.
After filling our jars with spiders we dug in…
and, I must say it was delicious.
The spiders ended up being a going-away gift.
I bet we’ll see this Chef written up in Bon Apétite
in no time. This is, after all, fancy fusion.
I’m sure you’re dying to know the courses…
Course 1: Reverse Pistachio and Cheese Cake Pops
Course 2: Cinnamon Chocolate Chicken with Mushrooms (the hallucinogenic variety)
Course 3: Oyster Benedict a la Garden Spiders (jar included)
Course 4: Baked Potato and Goji Berry Casserole with a topping of Guinness Reduction
Course 5: Eat Your Fruits and Veggies! (Banana & Spinach Loaf with a Special Strawberry & Rutabaga Glaze. Topped with Parmesan Cheese)
Course 6: Miniature Veggie Burgers with a Shredded Beef Topping (served under decorative lampshades)
Course 7: Salmon and Mint Tartar Chocolate Fudge Cake Brownies (eat at your own risk) (*marijuana is an ingredient)
Course 8: Chef’s Pièce De Résistance: Mint Chocolate Chip Brownie Fudge Sundaes with Coconut Shreds and Tamarind (You stuck with me this long — now you get a treat!)
As you can see, it was quite an adventure.
We all had stomachaches by midnight.
We didn’t care. We were giddy and humble
and high as the sky. Chef even ate courses
3, 5, and 8 with us. Although this fancy fusion
needs some work, keep your eye on this
Humble Hangout Fancy Fusion Foods —
Chef like a loaf of yeasted bread, is reaching for the stars.
Humble Hangout Fancy Fusion Foods: 2/5 stars
